Let’s Talk About Sex(ism): Benevolent and Hostile
The different ways that sexism sneaks into our lives and our conversations. Plus, questions to help you reflect on your relationship with internalized misogyny.
Phrases like “you look so pretty!” or “women are simply more nurturing” may seem like flattering compliments. But when viewed through a feminist lens, flattery comes into focus as benevolent sexism.
As we continue this month’s exploration of misogyny and sexism, we’re examining the different types of sexism, including the sneakiest, which is benevolent sexism.
You’re probably most familiar with hostile sexism, which is unleashed when women exist outside of traditional gender roles. Examples of hostile sexism include calling a woman politician “shrill,” describing a woman executive as “aggressive,” or dismissing a sex-positive woman as slutty.
When women attempt to defy patriarchal norms, they are often met with hostility, harassment, and discrimination. Hostile sexism is what most people mean when they talk about sexism, and it’s crucial to confront it when you see or hear it. Simple responses like “that’s sexist” will suffice, but here are some other ways to call out sexism.
“I’m not sure what you mean by that comment. It sounds like you are putting down women; is that your intention?’
“Do you understand how that comment could be offensive?”
Or, pretend you didn’t hear and say, “what?” The more someone has to repeat a sexist comment, the worse it sounds.
Benevolent sexism, on the other hand, is stealthier. This form of sexism is more socially acceptable and often comes in the guise of flattery and protection, but is actually patronizing discrimination. Examples of benevolent sexism include acts of chivalry, the idea that women are delicate and need protecting, or the objectification of women as a thing to be protected or admired.
While it might sound harmless — hence the name — research has shown that benevolent sexism can negatively impact women’s cognitive performance. When we frame women as lovely, gentle, and weak, we are saying that women are not competent and whole. When we view women as sexual or beautiful objects, we draw attention away from their competence. When women are conditioned to link their value to their appearance, they often feel undue pressure to spend money and time on the pursuit of beauty.
Finally, we arrive at the theory of ambivalent sexism, which posits that sexism is a messy combination of both hostile sexism and benevolent sexism. According to ambivalent sexism theory, a person can feel negatively toward women who challenge gender norms (eg, women who hold positions of power) while also feeling positively toward women when they conform to gender norms (eg, women who present as gentle and feminine).
Ambivalent sexism underlies the Madonna-Whore Complex, which divides women into categories of virtuous, pure, and desexualized, and therefore respectable, versus opinionated, independent, sexually active and low-value.
Learn more: Finding Your Feminist Voice: Benevolent & Hostile Sexism
Examining Internalized Misogyny: Journal Prompts
Internalized misogyny occurs when women, knowingly or unknowingly, project sexist ideas onto themselves and onto other women. Some examples of internalized misogyny include believing that women should not occupy positions of power, rejecting feminist causes, and – you guessed it – judging other women based on their appearance.
In what ways might you be exhibiting internalized misogyny or benevolent sexism? I invite you to work through these seven journal prompts to help you look inward at your relationship with sexism and misogyny.
Keep reading with a 7-day free trial
Subscribe to Modern Intimacy to keep reading this post and get 7 days of free access to the full post archives.